Please, say hello, look deep into my eyes and I will share with you the gripping terror which inhabits me, but it’s not control of the moment minimal, simply from joy penetrating me like the sun in the middle of winter breaking through thick clouds to melt away the chill, but the time has come as I watch it set, surrendering me to the darkness of myself, the one thing, the only thing that I have come to fear. I sit and cling tight to this open thinking letter by letter what words best describe yet could never emphasize these overwhelming feelings; fear, love, hate, peace, grief, desire, contentment, , disbelief, agony, joy, life. Inhaling deep, feeling the detoxification of the air inside, unwilling to let it escape, wondering if I have strength enough to hold it in, or even greater strength to exhale and face the breath before.
The truth being, I contain no strength at all as I breathe repeatedly, unaware but consumed by God, whose strength allows me to live, yet even more desire me to live for him. God the creator, the maker of all, the source of life, the reason of existence, the all seeing, all knowing, all caring, all of everything; God, whom we see in everything around us, as we stare to the stars, stars which were made by His words spoken through nothing, which fit in the very palm of his hands, this God of inexpressible glory, lives in me, desires me, seeks after me. Me a person made from dust, who will return to dust, who, covers myself in the dirt and scum of this world, I, who simply can’t, simply never understand who He really is, He wants me and I am undeserving.
But here I am, forgive me Lord, save me from the punishment of death, save me and love me, but do away with me. For you know and have seen the representation I give your name, hypocritical me. Please do not allow me to hurt you anymore, whatever it takes Lord, let me be anything but a blemish of who you are, though I hesitate in saying such things for I know I am flesh, I am dirt, and I am easily persuaded by the desire of which that surrounds me, but I ask you, save me, love me, direct me; cause me to love you, do not allow me to fall away from you, hold me, I’m yours.
Acts 20:24 NIV
"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.."
- Saints
- We are a Generation Desperate for God, Broken Bread, Poured-Out Wine, Nameless, Faceless, Warrior-Brides, Men Committed to Integrity, Women After God's Own Heart We are worms. - "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace" (Acts 20:24) When I [come] to you, dear friends, I dare not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I [proclaim] to you God's mystery. For I [resolve] to know nothing while I [am] with you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified. I [come] to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching [are] not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power. (Paul's first letter to the Corinthians, chapter 2, verses 1-5, paraphrased)
No comments:
Post a Comment